I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

"Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
"Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.

I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

:stuck_out_tongue: thought I share the joke.

How old is your mum? And what is she wearing?

That is the best comment I've read all year!! :laughing::laughing:

Thanks OP. My mum suffers from a bad back so hopefully this massager will give her some relief.

Are you serious?

This has to be the biggest let-down I've ever come across on HUKD.

Not only is it a fraction of the size of a normal one - but my Nan said that it doesn't come with batteries.

On a more serious product relatd note, on arrival this isn't the full size massager I was expecting, it's a travel size one :/

Thanks OP. My mum suffers from a bad back so hopefully this massager will give her some relief.

....Says it all.

These should come in Red only so doesn't matter when they're used :P

At first glance this most definitely does not look like a back massager.

The mods here deprived the world of my comment, I will never forgive HUKD for that...

This is my spot and you know it is, can't believe the mods deleted my comment.

Anyone else notice the secure checkout is anything but..... i.e. it's not secure/encrypted!!! I've tried 2 different browsers and both say the payment page is not secure :disappointed: Shame, as they have some good prices and 25% off plus cashback is pretty tempting. But I ain't going there with an insecure payment page!! :disappointed:

What's the middle attachement? The Iron Maiden?!

haha @ the item description "splashproof" :confused:

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ...

...and when you're done you can just hook it up the karaoke machine.

God I wish I was a women.

"Massage your loved one"

Why just your loved one - hell, anyone will do :confused:

nooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not 4k..... Cold

I was using this on my wife last night and it was so good that we lost track of time and before we knew it morning had arrived. unfortunately due to the excessive secondary vibration that transferred up my arm I have developed 'vibration white finger' due to this I think I will give it a clean and send it back...I think we'll stick with the fist f##cker 5000 I purchased from hukd last week!

Is it a vestal??

Is this the massager thingy I see so often in pron movies

lolll

The gift that keeps on giving ...

is this good for my prostrate?

Can anyone recommend a mains version? I don't think the battery ones are powerful enough for my girlfriend.

Actually, scrub the mains, can you get Diesel versions?

They also have the new pink one day cricket ball for £6 if anyone's interested...

This deal is buzzing!

Oh and LMFAO at some of these comments!

What is this ?

I've ordered two since its so hot.
Got to be better than the metal head massager I got last year for my dad.

need this :stuck_out_tongue:

hukd should have a section for NSFW.

Better off not knowing :/

Was curious and just followed the link to the website, sad thing is I actually thought this was a masager, as in for tired muscles, but its some kind of pet store site, they sell Rabbits.

I was just wondering has any lady used this as it says it's splash proof, I mean just how wet can it get? If you could send your videos of evidence of how effective it is in wet conditions this would really help me decide if I should by it for the Mrs!

Just incase the other half gets this for a present from you or for herself. Don't worry menfolk. We will still be needed. Someone has to replace (and buy) the batteries.

Nice find op

Thanks op, just caught this !

recharges via usb, that'll look good hanging off the Anker!

​If it's too loose you need a gynaecologist

would be funny to get this for inlaw to open at the xmas day dinner table... Parenthood anyone :smile:

Some of these comments have made my evening :laughing:

I am 7 years old. Can somebody please explain what this device is?

code, not apple brand

Will it remove excess ear wax?

my nanna as one of these,she told us it was a bingo dabber.

The only thing this is fit for is the butchers dustbin

Op i think you have the title wrong is the new Playstation Move Motion Controller

Lesbians should be banned from these products, they made their choice!

I am still confused is this mic for the xbox ps4 or pc ?

So i get suspended for posting a starred out swear word, but it's okay to post a deal of a vibrating dildo?! Nice one mods :man:

Ha Ha :smile: I was thinking the same !!!!

That's brilliant. Christmas pressie sorted. I thought I was going to have to go with a book like this one:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0671777718/?&qid=1450283740

Wonder if this offer will appear on facebook lol. In hysterics here with all the comments.

I will second that! :smile:

Best Hot deals post ive ever seen haha

I'm just here to read the comments, and currently loving it.

I think it might be worth it to invest in a hitachi, judging from some research i've been doing.

Heat just for the comments :smiley::smiley::smiley:

Cold. Made by Vestel.

Not a real hitachi, my gf won't be best pleased.

I know someone who made her own..... she used:
1 Cup of Flour
1 Cup of Water
2 Cups of Salt
1 Handfull of Chopped Dill

She discovered this by complete accident and amazingly created Dill-Doh.

cold ! £4.99 used on amazon warehouse deals

beats this hands down

Is this a wii u karaoke wand? I've got one in the house, the misses says it's the daughters?

Or women, could just us men as dildos............

Is this a foot massager ? I bought one anyway for my nan

Wow this deal and comments have got me Buuzzzzzzzziiiiiiiinnnnnngggg x

Haha how naïve are some people :smile:

lmfao. ..can't take no more. hahahahaha

I'm just here to read the comments

Or Nans .....:smile:

lol i cant believe this is going hot xD

lmao!!

Does anyone know if this would be any help for acute angina? :confused:

This is definitely something I'd buy your mother.

Brill

For DIYers:


 

I have some of this sort of size not good for their intended use if you are buying them from an adult item retailer better as a body massager

Well ... Mrs Cool and I have a good laugh at these comments!

God help you if your eye itches. Or your a r s e.
 

Anybody know if this is self-lubricating?

I thought I was on the wrong website then, nice bit of reading for today :smile:

OMFG kill me now

hahaha this is hilarious... think ill buy one for my mates mum....

Like, if you came here for the classic banter!

It has a strap so you can wear it on your belt

The girlfriend has a mains powered one. Really good although it sounds like a pneumatic drill

Getting the wife a pair of slippers and one of these for Chrimbo. If she doesn't like the slippers, she can go f**k herself!

If you don't get one, either of today's other Top Deals will do:

this is expensive the aldi carrots are only 29p

Thanks OP..I'll pass and wait for iMassager Apple has been working on!

Damn it this isn't a SingStar microphone... I better send it back!!

Lovehoney are giving one of these away atm... on the condition you spend £40 on other toys.

Excellent Item, if it wasn't for the wrist strap my wife's would of disappeared...

Always wondered what these things were for! Might get one for my Nan!

Looks like a great mic for the price but I am confused is this Mic for the xbox ps4 or pc more details op

Best.post.ever :smiley:)))

Its not Lenny Henry, It's uncle Ben

Perfect, I won't have to keep borrowing my mothers anymore! Hers is always slightly sticky.

Does your TV go past BBC2?

Has the comment been deleted because of the word vagina?

Sherlock award of the day goes to...

:smiley: Ainsley Harriott

I really must stop following your links !!

http://www.aliexpress.com/item/Hot-Sex-Products-Adult-Games-Silica-Gel-Spike-Sex-Gloves-For-Male-Masturbation-Flirting-Sex-Toys/32526780506.html?spm=2114.10010108.0.59.7NxFMd

I have no words...

Anybody care to explain how this works?
I have a bad sciatica is this likely to being any relief?

Disappointing ?

It's a bloody travesty.

Well done though, nothing short of brilliant :laughing:

Yeah, my comment has been deleted? That's disappointing. Must have been a moderator.

Heat added purely for all the comments. Arthritic Vagina... excellent.

Ah 'loved ones'. So that's what they are called today. :man:

Can't stop laughing at the comments, omg.

Personally i just used the blue peter method of filling an empty cigar tube with some angry bees.

On the budget side you can get these. And you can share. Or not. Whatever gets you off :wink:

Poundland still have these. Not bad for the money.
 

These comments are quality!

You have a selection of wands eh ? :man:

thanks my German shepherd will love this :wink:

:0P

haha you made me laugh crazy lol

Good God. I was thinking what sort of massager is this and clicked the link. I'm to innocent I think

hahaha. now that's funny.

LMVO!

Is this 3G or G-spot?

I don't have this particular wand, from my experience magic wand massager's don't help with arthritis even **** arthritis lol they're fine on every day aches and tight muscles but can make your hands numb and crampy

heat added

​Not a chance with that arthritis lol

heat just for the laughs!! :smile:

Cold from me. It's not i7 processor

Great industrial ear bud,or a great modded move controller.

Hours of fun with this gadget

LOL

From a depressed guy. CHEERS you just made me smile

handy for whipping up a trifle this xmas...

I've not seen this colour/style Nintendo Wii Controller before

A lot less than most other mothers by the sound of it.

Lol

How about gifting one to each other's mothers?

Description says its splashproof. Do you think it's suitable for squirters? I'm asking for a "friend"

What's Lenny got to do, got to do with this?

That's enough Internet for today.....

Bought one for my blonde gf for when I was working away. Phoned her to see how she was getting on with it. 'Not very good' she replied. 'It's chipped all my front teeth'.. :confused:

Cracking knowledge of female anatomy in the comments too!

why it has a hand wrist strap?

Looks like it could be used as a weapon, could do some serious damage with one of those.

megacamz.
Your comments of vagina.
You've just killed me.
I swear I love you.

The Jimmy Jane Hello Touch sounds a little creepy. Cracking review though. 'Great little vibrater very quiet which is a bonus as I can use it while my husband is asleep very flexible and fits in any size bag to take anywhere.'

I recall my first time with a condom, I must have been 16.

I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it.

She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."

So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.

"Just a minute." she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.

Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside.
"Do these excite you?" she asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was shake my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her knickers and sat down at a desk.
"Well, come on," she said, "we don't have much time."

So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW. I was done within a few minutes.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown, "Did you put that condom on?" she asked.

I said, "I sure did." and held up my thumb to show her.

She fainted.

:stuck_out_tongue: thought I share the joke.

thats gran sorted cheers bro

OMG

Reaches the parts other devices can`t, Brrrrrrrrrrr

mistafaz......what's it got to do with Lenny Henry ?

Man this comment what a champ haha funny

Awesome comment!

In falling off the sofa with all the comments lol

Hot from me it's also a karaoke mic least that's what the other half said when i caught her with it in her mouth

Not Hitachi, cold.

That is the best comment I've read all year!! :laughing::laughing:

Is it just for back pain or can you use in other places where you have arthritis?

Not something I'd buy my mother either. :laughing:

Please dont video it will you.