When my son was around the age of two it became apparent there was something wrong. He did not crave my company, cling to and cuddle me endlessly. He showed no need to bond with me, his father, and we did not. He exhausted me, he frustrated me and he scared me. I came to dread coming home from work sometimes, or those moments when it was my turn to wrestle him into bed and begin the long struggle to settle him. I said things that will forever haunt me, like “What is wrong with that child?” and “Is he always going to be this annoying?” 

What I didn't know then was that he was autistic.

When that realisation came, so did the beginning of my mission to understand my son, and to understand autism. This book chronicles that search for understanding and answers. It documents one parent’s attempts to come to terms with, and accept, his child. It is raw and real, sometimes confused and frightened but also, I’d like to think, written with warmth and love and an ability to smile through difficult times.

This book is for anyone starting out on a pathway with their child that they did not expect. It’s also for people who, like me, are a little further down that road but still learning, still asking questions and still getting it wrong sometimes. You are not alone.