Here's the full set (?) with the 80's view plus the current (not so funny) view:

1. Why do Skodas have heated rear windscreens?

New punch-line: To effectively clear condensation and ice from the glass in order to improve visibility for the driver.

Old punch-line: To keep your hands warm while you're pushing it.


2. How do you double the price of a Skoda?

New punch-line: Buy every item on the options list

Old punch-line: Fill up the tank with petrol


3. Have you got a wing mirror for my Skoda?

New punch-line: Yes, it'll cost you £45.99

Old punch-line: Okay, seems like a fair swap


4. What do you call a Skoda driver who says he's had a speeding ticket?

New punch-line: A teller of plausible tales

Old punch-line: A liar


5. What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof?

New punch-line: Hard to say, all new Skodas are now available with a sun roof option

Old punch-line: A skip


6. I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda...

New punch-line: It's called a 16-valve Octavia

Old punch-line: 4 in the engine, 12 in the radio! (older readers may better understand this)


7. How do you overtake a Skoda?

New punch-line: wait for a safe place to overtake and accelerate

Old punch-line: Run


8. What colour shall I get my Skoda in?

New punch-line: You can choose from a range of appealing contemporary colours, including metallic jungle green, corrida red and candy white

Old punch-line: It doesn't matter, it'll go brown with rust after a week


9. How do you make a policeman laugh?

New punch-line: spend some time getting to know him in order to understand his sense of humour, then tell him some appropriate anecdotes or jokes.

Old punch-line: Tell him your Skoda just got nicked


10. I bought the top-spec Skoda...

New punch-line: ...this one came with Apple CarPlay, parking assistance and side rear impact airbags.

Old punch-line: ...this one came with an engine.

With thanks to Google and Start Rescue

Go on then - how do you double the value of a Skoda?

Fill it with petrol :sunglasses:

Yes, the 80's do want their jokes back
I'm here all week, try the chicken

I think the only problem is that if they did change their name then the prices would also be much higher. Skoda prices have already increased significantly as their image has improved. So VAG need the image to be suppressed so that they can continue to charge Audi buyers much more.

I think it says more about the person than the car.

Its a sh*t VW, and I hate VW so, im out.

New one has now been spied.

http://indianautosblog.com/2017/02/2017-skoda-yeti-spied-undisguised-exterior

I agree, I think is what has most likely happened. My original order was given to a buyer which is a lot more profitable for the dealer. In this case Styner Group, which are certainly on my black list for the next time I buy a car and I certainly won't recommend them to anyone.

Yes I think alot of these online agents get pushed back of the queue but get better pricing for their customers, would not surprise me if other later orders leap frog when coming directly from Skoda main dealers, it's a trade off I guess.

Correction... It's not a deposit but the "initial fee".

Business contract hire
£70.84 + VAT monthly rental
£2000.00 + VAT initial rental

Contract term 24 months
Rental profile Initial rental + 23

Or for personal...

£85.01 incl VAT monthly rental
£2400.00 incl VAT initial rental

Contract term 24 months
Rental profile Initial rental + 23 Rentals

_________________________

So never £85pm at all.

For the personal deal...
£85 x 23 + £2400 + £240 / 24 = £191.46pm

Cheers, that's what I ordered over 5 months ago and it's finally just been build. However Fleetprices are saying another 4 weeks before they get it. Just seems like delay after delay with this seller.

So this deal is ~£177pm when you include the deposit and £200 fee??

Why does the deal say £85pm?

Spot on

May I ask what model you got? Was it a Monte Carlo petrol DSG?

Not sure I ordered mine from local Skoda dealer 3 months ago, got delivered last week and that was £500 deposit and pay the rest on delivery..Not used Simpsons personally but others on here have and seem happy with service as do the various Skoda forums

Well the other offers actually state they are Outdoor versions and this doesn't. Plus the photo when you click into the deal shows an non-Outdoor version. So I assume it isn't one. I maybe wrong. If it is true then I would go for it because fleetprices.co.uk still haven't supplied my order almost 6 months after placing it. So not a recommended dealer imo. When will Simpsons ask for the initial payment? On order placement or just when you receive the vehicle?

I thought all Yeti's are now outdoor models? They stopped producing the road version second half of last year, with the prices so close to the fleet price I am guessing it's the outdoor as if it's stock then it would normally say as you are them restricted to certain colours and spec...To offer a dsg for £10 more this does feel like a factory order.

Actually with the processing fee you're correct it is virtually the same price, however it isn't the same vehicle as this is the Outdoor version, which is worth more then metallic paint.

Also the non-outdoor version got discontinued, so unless they have some in stock then that deal isn't even available.
If you look at their offers page http://www.simpsonsskoda.co.uk/new-car-offers/ you'll see a few offers on the Outdoor versions but all are more expensive then £4500.

cheap as chip.
vag may go bust but someone will always purchase them.they are the 2nd largest car manufacturer in the world and used to be the first.

You lost me at "As someone who works in a dealership..." :wink:

If they would not go bust then there would not be job losses. We cannot provide immunity for wrong doing on the basis a person loses their job. If you wrong someone, you must right it.

I read VW stated they could not afford to pay everyone compensation on the same basis as the US as they would go bust. If they did another company would buy the assets and take over. There would be a NEW VAG with new owners.

As someone who works in a dealership, we are in a situation where we have to rectify a problem which we have not created or been involved in, yet we are having to facilitate rectifying all affected vehicles and we are the ones getting all the flak from customers who view us as the culprits, which is unfair. It is a manufacturer issue but unfortunately we are on the front line so I hope you can understand and not create any barriers if you happen to be affected by this issue. Not aware of the update influencing fuel consumption either.

If VAG compensated all owners involved in their emissions scandal on the same terms as USA, they may go bust.
UK owners should fight for the same level of compensation. I have no sympathy for them and am not impressed by the quality of their cars and basic components that fail and VW just do not care.

Don't really understand your post??? The vehicle is the same spec and same price as the OP as not included the processing fee of £240 from fleet prices, Simpsons do not charge this fee, also Simpsons offer free paint this is extra at fleet prices, so Simpsons are in fact cheaper, not sure why you think I am affiliated with them, just offering HUK dealers a cheaper alternative from a recognised main dealer.....

Nothing to do with fuel consumption. The £50 per annum is the potential cost to "long distance" (no mileage given) drivers for urea. But it's mostly speculation

I would personally choose Simpsons Skoda over these,

Same price and with free met paint and road tax or £10 per month more for DSG gearbox

http://www.simpsonsskoda.co.uk/new-car-offers/yeti-se/

There is nothing in that article regarding an increase in fuel consumption...?

I quite liked our Yeti when we had one - it was the 4x4 2.0 Diesel but was actually quite a nice car to own and drive.

Maintenance not included. Is this now normal for a lease? You'd think the lessor would want to include maintenance to protect the resale value.

I've just taken the plunge and ordered a Fabia Monte Carlo from a golf gti ... eeek. Still I'll be better off every month than I have been! Looks a good car actually

I own a skoda citgo , fabulous car in all ways , love it ! Ps im 45 ! Great city car

We've now owned four Skodas over about 10 years ( two currently). None of them has ever broken down. Wish I could say that about the Volvos, BMWs, Vauxhalls and Renaults that we had before. When you are grown up you take a different perspective and like things that work and you probably have the confidence not to care much what other people think about your consumer choices.

You've got your knickers in a twist about something that's got nothing to do with the emissions issue.

They've actually saved as they're in lower emissions band

VW collected and returned our vehicle after its emission fix - washed and vacced as well.

Why wouldn't you have the fix carried out?

And do you mean 'increases fuel consumption' rather than 'reduces'? I haven't seen any evidence of post fix cars consuming more fuel...

VW will come and collect my car, or I can have a courtesy car. I do value my time, but I don't feel deceived or aggrieved in anyway.
Stupid Americans will sue for anything. They're greedy and have a huge sense of entitlement which, which has been creeping in over here for years.

Will VW pick up your car or pay for your time? You seem the kind of person who does not value time.
I would expect VW to pick up the car and when my wife has her recall far her unreliable MK6 Golf Blue motion she probably will not bother with the fix that reduces fuel consumption. What is the advantage for her?

Let's see what happens with the High Court action this month, if successful don't claim.
If Americans are compensated, then why not the British. Are they superior to the Brits?

I found basic parts like a boot lock fail in VW cars. It is a known issue and VW will not replace. A part like this should not fail. I find VW arrogant. Second boot lock has failed after 3 months. VW wanted £100 labour compared to £20 for a local garage. What now? Another repair due to poor VW quality?

I agree because the value of second hand VW's are just as high as before and obviously the MPG figures people are getting are no different after it became known that VAG have cheated on emissions tests.

Sure they have been polluting the atmosphere more but no-one seems to care about that fact as long as they haven't lost out financially.

Main problem with Skoda round here is that every second taxi is a Skoda Octavia, the first one is a Seat Toledo. :-)

Here's the full set (?) with the 80's view plus the current (not so funny) view:

1. Why do Skodas have heated rear windscreens?

New punch-line: To effectively clear condensation and ice from the glass in order to improve visibility for the driver.

Old punch-line: To keep your hands warm while you're pushing it.


2. How do you double the price of a Skoda?

New punch-line: Buy every item on the options list

Old punch-line: Fill up the tank with petrol


3. Have you got a wing mirror for my Skoda?

New punch-line: Yes, it'll cost you £45.99

Old punch-line: Okay, seems like a fair swap


4. What do you call a Skoda driver who says he's had a speeding ticket?

New punch-line: A teller of plausible tales

Old punch-line: A liar


5. What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof?

New punch-line: Hard to say, all new Skodas are now available with a sun roof option

Old punch-line: A skip


6. I’ve just bought the new 16 valve Skoda...

New punch-line: It's called a 16-valve Octavia

Old punch-line: 4 in the engine, 12 in the radio! (older readers may better understand this)


7. How do you overtake a Skoda?

New punch-line: wait for a safe place to overtake and accelerate

Old punch-line: Run


8. What colour shall I get my Skoda in?

New punch-line: You can choose from a range of appealing contemporary colours, including metallic jungle green, corrida red and candy white

Old punch-line: It doesn't matter, it'll go brown with rust after a week


9. How do you make a policeman laugh?

New punch-line: spend some time getting to know him in order to understand his sense of humour, then tell him some appropriate anecdotes or jokes.

Old punch-line: Tell him your Skoda just got nicked


10. I bought the top-spec Skoda...

New punch-line: ...this one came with Apple CarPlay, parking assistance and side rear impact airbags.

Old punch-line: ...this one came with an engine.

With thanks to Google and Start Rescue

What do you call a Skoda with a sunroof?
A skip.

Thank you, thank you fans.

toyotas and vags

How profound.

I think it says more about the person than the car.

Yup, go into VW, Audi, Seat and Skoda dealers and play 'hunt the common bits from the parts bin'. :-)

Must be a generational thing. I don't have one, but there are so many of them about these days, that the old connotations must have been laid to rest (and then some).

Every third car in our car park seems to be a Skoda or an Audi.

I think the only problem is that if they did change their name then the prices would also be much higher. Skoda prices have already increased significantly as their image has improved. So VAG need the image to be suppressed so that they can continue to charge Audi buyers much more.

Agree - if they had re branded years ago these Skoda opinions would have disappeared along with the poor jokes ^^^

Appreciate they are part of VW now, but some things just seem to stick

I used these for my last car, fee was £249+vat (£298.80)

Yes, those over 40 may struggle to get over the mental issue of it being a Skoda, even though they are good cars.
I persuaded my wife not to choose a Skoda for this reason! I was wrong, but it was my money. I only wish they had changed their name as Datsun did. :wink:

Go on then - how do you double the value of a Skoda?

Fill it with petrol :sunglasses:

Yes, the 80's do want their jokes back
I'm here all week, try the chicken