Ode Tae A Fart

Oh what a sleekit horrible beastie
Lurks in your belly efter the feastie
Just as ye sit doon among yer kin
There sterts to stir an enormous wind
The neeps and tatties and mushy peas
Stert workin like a gentle breeze
But soon the puddin wi the sauncie face
Will have ye blawin all ower the place

Nae matter whit the hell ye dae
A'body's gonnae hiv tae pay
Even if ye try tae stifle
It's like a bullet oot a rifle
Hawd yer bum tight tae the chair
Tae try and stop the leakin air
Shifty yersel fae cheek tae cheek
Prae tae God it doesnae reek

But aw yer efforts go assunder
Oot it comes like a clap o thunder
Ricochets aroon the room
Michty me a sonic boom
God almighty it fairly reeks
Hope I huvnae **** my breeks
Tae the bog I better scurry
Aw whit the hell it's no ma worry

A'body roon aboot me chokin
Wan or two are nearly bokin
I'll feel better for a while
Cannae help but raise a smile
Wiz him! I shout with accusin glower
Alas too late, he's just keeled ower
Ye dirty **** they shout and stare
A dinnae feel welcome any mair

Where e'ere ye go let yer wind gan’ free
Sounds like just the job fur me
Whit a fuss at rabbie's party
Ower the sake o one wee farty

Regards Akram Ali (although I can't have Haggis)

And theres me thinking that lamb is a young sheep? I never realised they were 2 different animals lol

You really havent ever tried haggis in your life have you?

Halls is generally pig offal I believe? Lamb lungs tend to be fluffier than pork, haggis based entirely on pig can be very heavy and almost livery. I'd still eat it though, love haggis :smile:

Bog-standard mediocre. Often all you can get in England. Had worse, but there is better around.

Must go see if they have them this year!

Battered haggis is lovely! But no unfortunately, i dont.

Do you know of any fish and chips shops (in southern England)that sell haggis? My friend had some coated in batter on a holiday 2 Scotland and said it was amazing! (She had dreadful indigestion afterwards, but said it was well worth it!)

The thing is, if a uniform product is what they are after, they should be looking at quorn! I like real food, with fatty bits to enhance the flavour. Chicken should still have the odd feather stump on it, pork should have crackling (which I don't even like, but the meat tastes a lot better cooked with it).

On the plus side the reason I get so much cheap food is because supermarkets insist on ditching everything the second the date on the packet is up, despite the food often being fine for another day or two. My freezer is filled with things like 30p sirloin steaks and mince etc :smile:

Thats a good point, we regularily buy chicken thighs that I de-bone then boil the bones for a soup base or something. Nobody sells thigh fillets that still have skin on so we have no choice! But if we buy something we use it all, and its annoying that certainly with chicken everybody just seems to sell breasts. The legs are tastier, especially in a slow cooker.

Well it's not so much crap, the quality of vac packed primals is good, and vacuum packing does keep meat fresh very well which is no bad thing, but what about the rest of the animal that goes into pet food now, or meat by-products when it's perfectly edible. Also it's the fact that because it's all boned out and done in a factory, the traditional methods of cutting and butchery skills are fading, and that's part of the reason we don't see enough traditional meat products too :-(

Crombies the butchers in Edinburgh sells fantastic haggis (and fab sausages/black pudding too). Traditional sizes and catering long sausage type that you can slice and fry or grill. It's all made on the premises. Expensive but worth it.

My favourite local pub is selling steak and haggis pie at the moment, gonna have to try one. The haggis olives sound good, may have to try them myself. I often stuff chicken thighs with haggis and wrap them in bacon, thats nice :smiley:

Noticed today that M&S have 3lb pork haggis (hoggis, like it :smile:) in their 3 for a tenner offer. Thats £1.11/lb so I got one to make a haggis lasagne out of.

Simon Howie haggis was nice last night - got from Tesco - with all sheep / lam bits as per tradition. :smiley:

Continuing the love for haggis - cant beat a haggis supper but the haggis olives my butchers do are phenominal as are the butchers steak and haggis small round pies. And is it chicken balmoral that has haggis stuffed in it? Also great.

ooo would make a nice addition to the traditional burns supper :smiley:
Haggis rules :smile:

In Lidl last night I saw mini haggis in batter, had to buy some!

But yeah, agree on the butchers selling crap lately. The butchers in the market often still have vacuum packed meat instead of fresh, and some at the farmers market are the same. In fact not one butcher in Stafford market had a haggis this year of any description, not good.

Oh yeah, ate this last night and it was great :smiley:

Good haggis is ace, but when I last visited Scotland (albeit some years ago), I found it very difficult to find any other than the chip shop variety as mentioned in the post above. Cafes and restaurants rarely seemed to sell haggis. Being a tourist, picking up a raw haggis at a small butcher to eat later in the day was not an option without cooking facilities.

Perhaps if the do-gooders stopped trying to ban anything offal, and certain idiots stopped turning children against it before they have even tasted it, we would see far more decent haggises at reasonable prices throughout the UK, rather than as a marketing publicity stunt every January.

It's 2011 - Come on! How many butchers have ever had a sheep's pluck in the place let alone sell you one?
Most people who trade as butchers now buy vacuum packed primal cuts from a wholesaler and that's as close to offal as they get - maybe a tub of frozen lambs liver on occasions!

Even in rural areas I'd bet it's not easy to come by.

I used to go to Edinburgh about 6 times a year, and that kept me stocked up, but being in the Midlands for too long now, so I no longer go, so not had a decent one for some time, it's set me thinking!

Can I also admit to being a pleb by admitting I even like the long stick-type ones even, as seen deep fried and battered in fish & chip shops north of the border as part of a "Puddin' Supper" (and white puddings!) :-)

Isn't this hoggis ho ho

Oh yes you are!

McDs is mostly lips and **** but people seem eager to eat that.

Still get them every year year about Oor Wullie then the Broons the following, still kicks ass

Only tried it once but the idea of the contents just prevent me from enjoying it although it tastes great. I'm not a picky eater, in fact I am quite adventurous but draw the line at eyeballs/lungs/heart/tongue. Snails, kangaroo etc. I have no problem with!

Just wiping the tears from my eye. :smile:

It's just tastes so offal! And of course its very healthy for you thats why Scotlands men live the longest..........

anyone reciting a poem tonight?

If you are that passionate about it, get a decent recipe and buy your own sheep offal from a butchers and make your own just as good.

On a totally unrelated issue - how I miss "Oor Wullie" & " The Broons"
Always got the annuals at Christmas.

asda selling a massive haggis for £1.50 about 3x the size of a normal one which is dearer lol:)

If only I lived in Scotland! Last time I was up for a wedding I cleared out the local butchers, bought 11 of them. He thought I was mental! :smile:

Best I can get down here is MacSweens, which is good, but I have to get it ordered in advance. Only one butcher gets them, the rest all seem to have Halls.

want proper haggis, get it from your local butcher (if you are in Scotland ofc)

Just came back from a "haggis hunting trip" in the highlands,cunning little blighters didnt have a chance to shoot one all the time we were there!In the end they had to bring some in from a local butchers for us to eat they taste a little of lamb.Will be back next year to try and bag one of them "Nessies"

Couldn't eat it myself. But it is nice to know that the leftovers I don't want to eat are not going to waste.

I got the M&S vegetarian ones by mistake,tasted quite nice though,but you do need a sauce/gravy with them as they are a bit dry.

I love the stuff and surprisingly so do my kids, we dont have it often but its a nice change from black pudding with a breakfast sometimes.. Hot .

my understanding of haggis was that the had 4 long legs and 4 short legs to enable them to run around the hills very fast ...i tried and failed on numerous occations to catch them but the were far to fast so heres is some heat..good work.

And theres me thinking that lamb is a young sheep? I never realised they were 2 different animals lol

You really havent ever tried haggis in your life have you?

Are these the farmed haggis or were they shot in the wild ?

http://haggishunt.scotsman.com/

Morrisons sell MacSweens, at least in the NW of England they do.
Lamb offal in those too.

Grim! Don't know which is worse this or mega cheapo sausages??
Then again I guess some people must eat it or it wouldn't be on the shelf!

Macsween's haggis for me thanks. :wink:

A kilo of haggis goes a long way, so this is a great deal for a traditional one in the proper casing (sheep's stomach).

Cracking stuff, really looking forward to mine later tonight.

I wouldn't eat Haggis if you paid me! But a good deal I suppose, if you like your haggis to be traditional

£1.50 @ morrisons on the boil now , & neeps & tatties

I got MacSween from asda for £2.60 somthing at the weekend... there 'real' haggis too... parents served me butchers stuff last night and it was amazing(compared to halls)!!!

Asda were doing a deal on JUMBO haggis could have been £6 each or 2 for £10? But it was actually the length of my forearm! HUGE... ideal for freezing or a burns supper!! Will see if they are reduced after tonight!! :wink:

I personally like MacSween's haggis and Waitrose are doing these at a very good price (at least when compared to my local deli). Would be interested to know how M&S's compare.

Dry your eyes ya muppet just a bit of craic ill be tucking into mine tonight

I love haggis it's the dogs ****** :smiley: or should that be lambs

Don't knock it til you've tried it, its lovely :smile:

To be fair, I know exactly what you mean. I was the same with insects, and even after trying them I'm still not convinced! My mind says no regardless of what my tongue says, so I don't enjoy it. I tried haggis as a kid though, so have no preconceptions.

No, its lamb offal. Most haggis sold in the UK use pork offal instead.

Lamb lung (35%), Beef fat, Lamb liver (12%), Pinhead oatmeal (12%), Water, Lamb heart (5%), Oatflour, Onions (3%), salt, ground spices.

You can veggie ones!

'Real Haggis' lmao didnt know there was pretend ones lol

How can M&S be selling proper ones if it contains Lamb (I presume you mean Lamb Meat)? Real Haggis only contains sheep offal, heart, liver and lungs.